{"id":110351,"date":"2024-08-29T03:08:22","date_gmt":"2024-08-29T07:08:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/?p=110351"},"modified":"2025-03-31T00:39:05","modified_gmt":"2025-03-31T04:39:05","slug":"signs-of-financial-infidelity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/signs-of-financial-infidelity\/","title":{"rendered":"14 Signs of Financial Infidelity (and what to do if you suspect your partner is guilty)"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Financial infidelity is terrible. Luckily there are some telltale signs which you can pinpoint so that you can confirm your suspicions early on.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Identifying these signs isn\u2019t a guarantee that your partner is betraying you financially (some of these signs could be due to innocent reasons) but it\u2019s important to know these to protect yourself from potential financial abuse.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Behavioral signs<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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While financial infidelity can sometimes be difficult to detect, there are often behavioral cues that may indicate something is amiss. Some of the most common red flags are:<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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1. Secretive behavior around financial matters<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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If your partner is suddenly secretive about their finances, it could be a red flag. Watch out if they\u2019re quickly closing browser tabs or financial apps when you walk into the room. Do they take phone calls about money in private? Have they suddenly started\u00a0 password-protecting their devices or financial accounts? These behaviors might indicate they\u2019re hiding something important from you.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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2. Sudden changes in spending habits<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Drastic changes in how your partner spends money could signal financial infidelity. Are they suddenly making a lot of personal purchases that you can\u2019t account for? Or, have they drastically cut back on spending without any discussion? Perhaps they\u2019ve developed new, expensive hobbies or interests that seem to come out of nowhere. These shifts can be a clue that something isn\u2019t right.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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3. Defensiveness when discussing money<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Another sign of financial infidelity is defensiveness. If your partner becomes angry or evasive when you ask about money, or if they deflect questions and change the subject, it might indicate they\u2019re hiding something. They may even accuse you of being untrusting or controlling as a way to avoid scrutiny. This behavior is a classic defense mechanism to keep their financial secrets under wraps.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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4. Lying about income or debts<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Lies about money can take many forms. Maybe your partner\u2019s reported income doesn\u2019t quite add up, or you\u2019ve discovered loans or credit card balances you didn\u2019t know about. They might struggle to explain discrepancies in financial statements. These inconsistencies can be a major red flag that they\u2019re not being honest about their financial situation.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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5. Excluding partner from financial decisions<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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If you find yourself being cut out of financial decisions, this could be a sign of trouble. Your partner might make large purchases without consulting you, refuse to discuss joint financial planning, or insist on handling all bill payments alone. This exclusion can lead to significant financial mismanagement and hidden debts.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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6. Frequent \"work-related\" financial emergencies<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Do they frequently need money for unclear work expenses, but can\u2019t provide receipts or documentation? Are these supposed work-related financial issues starting to seem implausible? This pattern can indicate that your partner is using their job as a cover for their financial indiscretions.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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7. Insistence on separate finances without explanation<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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If your partner suddenly wants to keep separate finances or split previously shared accounts without a clear reason, it\u2019s worth paying attention. They might refuse to pool resources for shared expenses or be secretive about their individual financial situation. <\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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8. Sudden interest in cryptocurrency or hidden investments<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Has your partner developed an unexplained interest in Bitcoin or other cryptocurrencies? Have you discovered hidden investment accounts, or do they make vague references to \u201cbusiness opportunities\u201d? This could even include investments with friends or family. These could be signs they\u2019re hiding money, trying desperately to recoup money, or moving it\u00a0 into untraceable forms.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Real Example: \u201cI just learned he took out a secret $100,000 loan\u2014two years ago\u201d<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Emily and Jan\u2019s story is a perfect example of financial infidelity. During the process of buying a house, Emily discovered that Jan had <\/span>taken out a $100,000 loan without her knowledge<\/span><\/a>. He hadn\u2019t even planned on how to use the money to benefit their lives. This betrayal was particularly painful for Emily because she had trusted Jan to manage their finances. The lack of transparency damaged their relationship, showing just how critical open communication is when it comes to money matters.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Jan: Together we got the loan, and then at some point, I received an extension to increase that loan. Initially, I just applied for a small amount, just thinking this would be a good backup or an emergency fund scenario. And then when I got approved, I got approved for the entire loan amount, which was way more than I was honestly looking for.<\/span><\/p>

And then I sat with a couple of days and then I was just thinking that this would help me redirect my career. I was just hoping that that would be able to get me back on track. I was thinking, \u201cOkay, cool. I can use this to start some kind of a small business or use it to generate some income for the lifestyle that both Emily and I want.\u201d And then I took it and then I didn\u2019t tell Emily about it, and then it just became this snowball that I became ashamed of.<\/span><\/p>

Emily: I found out we were already under contract and our lender was requesting some information about this small business loan. Again, when we took it out, it was at the beginning of COVID. Jan had lost his job, which we knew we\u2019d be set up for the whole year. We were aware that we were set. And so when he lost his job, it was all on me. And I had just started a new job, which is all commission based. So we knew at that point, okay, right now I have enough money to pay off that loan if we need. So I knew that if we\u2019re taking it, I have the ability to pay it back, but it would give us a little cushion still considering or thinking that COVID would be done faster.<\/span><\/p>

And so when our lender called and said, \u201cHey, I need these documents,\u201d it was like, days had gone by and Jan keeps most of our\u2013 he\u2019s very organized. He has everything in files. Everything is there. So I was like, \u201cBabe, just send her the stuff. It\u2019s all good. Just send her the stuff.\u201d<\/span><\/p>

And after a few days of that, I noticed that his mood was getting really weird. He kept saying, \u201cThey keep asking us for stuff. They keep asking us for stuff.\u201d And I was like, \u201cWe haven\u2019t done anything wrong. Open book, send them all.\u201d And eventually, he just said, \u201cI need to tell you something. I made a mistake.\u201d And we were already a week and a half or two weeks into the home-buying process already.<\/span><\/p>

I was walking home and he said the number and I just immediately like\u2013 sorry. I just immediately was like, \u201cAm I going to be one of those wives whose husband gambles away all of their money?\u201d Everything that I thought I had that I had been saving for the last year, working and working and working towards the thing, I didn\u2019t have enough money to pay back that loan.<\/span><\/p>

Ramit: I\u2019m really enjoying this conversation. Yes, Jan made a mistake, a really dumb one, but he\u2019s owned up to it. And Emily has acknowledged what happened and she\u2019s accepted it. She said she\u2019s not concerned he\u2019ll do it again. I know a lot of you want me to sit here and beat Jan up, but that\u2019s not what this podcast is about.<\/span><\/p>

Everybody makes mistakes with their money, and you will often see me surprisingly compassionate when somebody does not know how to start investing. I mean, 90% of the time the people on this show don\u2019t even read my book. I\u2019m not going to blame them. I\u2019m here to help them.<\/span><\/p>

Now, I do get mad when people don\u2019t take responsibility for their actions. But Jan has. He\u2019s acknowledged it. He\u2019s making amends. And I applaud him for that. And I applaud his partner, Emily, for accepting that and being so candid. Now, I want to go deeper. Again, I\u2019m not interested in beating him up, but I want to make sure he understands why he took that loan out because if he does, he can get to the root cause of his lie around money.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Non-behavioral signs\/discoveries<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Beyond observable behaviors, there are often tangible financial clues that can point to potential financial infidelity. These include:<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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1. Unexplained withdrawals or credit card charges<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Keep a close eye on your bank and credit card statements. Regular cash withdrawals with no clear purpose, unfamiliar merchant names, or charges that don\u2019t match known activities can all be signs of financial infidelity. If purchases don\u2019t align with what you know about your partner\u2019s habits, it\u2019s time to ask questions.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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2. Hidden bank accounts or credit cards<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Discovering evidence of secret accounts is a clear sign of financial betrayal. If statements from unknown accounts start showing up, or you receive mail for credit cards you didn\u2019t know existed, it\u2019s time to investigate. Finding unfamiliar cards in your partner\u2019s wallet can also be a major red flag.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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3. Unexplained luxury items or purchases<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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\u200b\u200bHas your partner suddenly acquired luxury items without any discussion? If new clothing, jewelry, or gadgets start appearing out of nowhere, or if they\u2019re giving expensive gifts to friends or family, this could be a sign. Evidence of dining out or entertainment that you\u2019re not a part of might also indicate secret spending.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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4. Intercepting mail or hiding financial statements<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Some partners may try to control the flow of financial information by intercepting mail or hiding statements. If bank or credit card statements are going missing, or if your partner always insists on collecting the mail first, it could be a sign of financial infidelity. Another clue is if online statements are suddenly turned off, cutting you off from visibility into your joint finances.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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5. Unexplained cash transactions<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Large cash transactions can be a sign of hidden financial activities. If you notice large amounts of cash appearing or disappearing without explanation, frequent ATM visits, or an insistence on using cash for purchases usually made with a card, it\u2019s worth investigating. Cash transactions are harder to trace and can indicate secretive financial behavior.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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6. Discrepancies between lifestyle and known income<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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If your partner\u2019s lifestyle doesn\u2019t match their income, something might be wrong. Living beyond (or under) apparent means, providing vague or implausible explanations about financial windfalls, or suddenly indulging in luxury items or activities can all be signs of financial infidelity. It\u2019s crucial to ensure that lifestyle choices align with what you know about your partner\u2019s income.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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\u201cI hid thousands of dollars of credit card debt from my husband\u201d<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Jordan\u2019s story is another example of the damage financial infidelity can cause. She <\/span>hid $10,000 in credit card debt <\/span><\/a>from her husband, Dan, because she feared his reaction and believed she could handle it on her own. This secrecy led to a breakdown in trust and nearly ended their relationship. It underscores the importance of transparency and honesty when managing joint finances.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Dan: ****And the first thing he [financial advisor] was talking about as I sat down was credit card debt and how to manage credit card debt now that she had $10,000 of credit card debt. And I was like, you have $10,000 of credit card debt, like how? And in those types of conversations, like he obviously was like, you didn\u2019t know this? I didn\u2019t want to have that conversation there, like I\u2019d wanted to keep it progressing and focus on everything we were there to accomplish. And if it happened, we need to figure out a way forward.<\/span><\/p>

Jordan: Honestly, I kept it a secret, because I thought I could fix it for a long time. I had an idea in my head that I\u2019d be able to do it on my own. I also had this, I think, fear about what the reaction would be. And I think after so long, it just was a part of me, and I knew how much it impacted me emotionally that I was worried about what and how it would impact Dan in the long run, like it\u2019s going to suck either way, and it sucked either way. But I had this idea in my head, I had one of those invisible manuscripts in my head that I\u2019d fix it. And I went through it for a long time of like, I can fix it, I can fix it, I\u2019ll get it down, it\u2019s not a big deal. That, I think, is that, in a nutshell, is that I really felt that I could do it myself and that I didn\u2019t need help from anybody else.<\/span><\/p>

Dan: [on getting her finances right for their mortgage application] So, like I can forgive you on the first time, I can forgive you on the second time, but like as a family, if we want to have a family together and grow together, like this can\u2019t happen anymore.<\/span><\/p>

Ramit: Notice the language that Dan is using here. He said, my trust was rocked, this can\u2019t happen again, and I felt violated. This is a huge issue in their relationship. Now, if you were in my role, what would you do right now? Where would you take the conversation? My instinct is telling me something here, it\u2019s telling me to dig deeper, and it\u2019s telling me that they don\u2019t fully understand the implications of what\u2019s going on right here.<\/span><\/p>

I\u2019ve talked to lots of people, and they\u2019ll say, oh, yeah, this is a big deal, this is a nine out of 10, and the other partner will agree, but when I probe to see if they really understand what\u2019s at stake, that sometimes, they are weeks away from potentially ending the relationship, the other partner is totally stunned. Most people don\u2019t truly appreciate the consequences of their actions on their partner.<\/span><\/p>

People with money problems love to talk about their money problems, but it\u2019s not enough to talk about your problems. It\u2019s not even enough to admit you have a problem, like Jordan just did when she admitted she knew it would be awful. This is where people commonly make a mistake. They\u2019ll say things like, I get it. I totally screwed up by showing up late again, or I know, I need to stop overspending on the credit card.<\/span><\/p>

Guys, admitting a problem is a good first step, but it\u2019s just the first step, especially when a partner is involved. They need to see change, not just hear words. I want to probe how Jordan is feeling about this. I think she\u2019s using a lot of words, but I still don\u2019t really understand how this is affecting her.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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What to do if you suspect financial infidelity<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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If you have concerns about your partner’s financial honesty, it’s important to approach the situation carefully and methodically. For example:<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Gather evidence<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Before confronting your partner, it\u2019s essential to gather as much information as possible. Keep a detailed record of any suspicious financial activities you observe.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Collect financial <\/span>statements, including bank statements, credit card bills, tax returns, and investment account information. Track unusual transactions, noting large withdrawals, transfers, or purchases. Preserve digital evidence such as emails or text messages that may indicate dishonesty.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Confront with understanding, not accusations<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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When you have enough evidence, approach your partner with the intention of understanding, not accusing. Express how the secrecy or behavior has made you feel, and seek to understand the underlying reasons for their actions. Avoid being accusative, which can lead to defensiveness. Instead, focus on the need for transparency and honesty.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Deciding on the relationship<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Financial infidelity can be a breaking point, but it doesn\u2019t always have to be. If the trust is beyond repair and the damage is too great, divorce might be the safest option. On the other hand, if both partners are willing to commit to rebuilding trust and transparency, reconciliation is possible. Consider therapy or counseling to address deeper issues and create a safe space for honest discussions.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Work on your own money psychology in relationships<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Financial infidelity isn\u2019t your fault, but it\u2019s an opportunity to reflect on how money is managed and discussed. Use this experience to improve how you deal with and talk about money in your relationship. Seek resources that can help strengthen your financial partnership and improve communication.<\/span><\/p>

Get started today with a copy of my new book, <\/span>Money for Couples!<\/span><\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Financial infidelity is terrible. Luckily there are some telltale signs which you can pinpoint so that you can confirm your suspicions early on. Identifying these signs isn\u2019t a guarantee that your partner is betraying you financially (some of these signs could be due to innocent reasons) but it\u2019s important to know these to protect yourself […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":110352,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"content-type":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_lmt_disableupdate":"no","_lmt_disable":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[160],"class_list":["post-110351","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal-finance"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"modified_by":null,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/110351","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=110351"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/110351\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/110352"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=110351"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=110351"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}