{"id":58670,"date":"2023-02-27T03:12:15","date_gmt":"2023-02-27T07:12:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/?p=58670"},"modified":"2025-04-04T10:47:40","modified_gmt":"2025-04-04T14:47:40","slug":"how-to-not-be-shy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com\/how-to-not-be-shy\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Not Be Shy: 7 Steps to Overcome Your Shyness"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Are you the type of person who desperately wants to improve your social life and make new connections, but just can\u2019t seem to break out of your shell? Let\u2019s talk about how not to be shy.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re familiar with Ramit\u2019s story, then you know he\u2019s been in that exact same place.<\/p>\n

Although he may come across as confident and polished now, it wasn\u2019t too long ago that he used to be fearful of putting himself out there and meeting new people.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a story he usually tells to illustrate this.<\/p>\n

Ramit was attending a few networking events years ago and didn\u2019t say a word to anyone. He was surrounded by people who were interested in the same things as him, but instead of striking up a conversation, Ramit just stared at his phone the entire time.<\/p>\n

Because he was so shy, he missed out on forming relationships with people who could\u2019ve ended up being great friends.<\/p>\n

That situation motivated him to learn more about why he was shy and what he could do to overcome it. And what he learned changed everything.<\/p>\n

Overcoming shyness has nothing to do with changing yourself as a person. That would be too much work and almost impossible.<\/p>\n

The key to overcoming shyness is to change your behavior.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s exactly what I\u2019ll show you how to do below.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Step 1: Don’t Judge Your Shyness<\/h2>\n

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The first step to overcoming shyness is to not judge yourself for being shy. This isn\u2019t productive and will only put you in a more negative space, making it harder for you to make the necessary changes.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Instead, I\u2019d advise you to embrace this side of your personality. It could be that you\u2019re just naturally introverted and that\u2019s perfectly fine. Many introverts have made it to the top of just about any industry and it could even help you in certain situations.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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I\u2019d recommend reading the article \u201cCaring for your Introvert\u201d<\/a>. It\u2019s an amazing read that will give you more insight into your introverted nature and how to best care for it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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After you read that article, you\u2019ll be armed with more information on how you should live in a way that\u2019s congruent with your nature. More self-awareness is always a good thing.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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If you happen to be a shy extrovert, you can skip this step and move on to step 2. If you are introverted, read that article to get a better understanding of your nature, and then move on to step 2.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Step 2: Change the Way You Think About Shyness<\/h2>\n

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Listen, you should absolutely read all the articles and books on overcoming shyness. That will go a long way in helping you adapt to social situations. But at the end of the day, we need to turn these tips into reality for you.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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The only way to do that is for you to change the way you think about shyness.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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A great way to do this is to familiarize yourself with a concept I call invisible scripts<\/a>. These are the secret narratives in your head that guide your behavior.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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For example, some people I\u2019ve talked to have problems connecting with others because they think of small talk as BS. They want to skip the boring stuff and get to the point. Ironically, thinking of small talk in this way is the reason why they fail at building relationships.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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While you may think of small talk as pointless, others think of it as building a relationship.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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What you may have scripted for yourself is that you want to get straight to the point of the conversation. But what you\u2019ve failed to realize is that small talk is important filler material.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Think about the process of going to a restaurant. Do you just sit down and get your meal immediately? Of course not. The wait staff greets you, gets you drinks, takes your orders, and asks you questions.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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They slow the process down. This is exactly what you must do in conversations and small talk serves that very purpose.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Step 3: Study Other People<\/h2>\n

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Reading tips and hacks on how to overcome shyness has its place, but the most important thing you can do is study other people.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Think about the friends you have who have vibrant social lives. They\u2019re well-liked for a reason. The next time you\u2019re with them, pretend you\u2019re a scientist and observe how they engage other people.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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What tone are they using? What does their body language communicate? Are they making strong eye contact?<\/p>\n

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Gathering these observations and modeling them in your own behavior is the one thing that will totally transform how you interact with people. This will be an important step in you overcoming your shy tendencies.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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The goal is to be more socially skilled and making these subtle shifts in your behavior will get you to that end goal.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Step 4: Overcome Shyness With the Invisibility Cloak<\/h2>\n

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Ramit had said that he discovered this tactic when he was younger. Some of his friends put on a Halloween haunted house which required him to wear a mask.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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The moment his identity was concealed, something interesting happened.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Ramit started acting crazy. He was running around, scaring people, and doing things that he would never do if it were just him wearing normal clothes.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Why?<\/p>\n

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Because he felt safe behind the mask. What he accidentally learned about wearing the mask is that it gave him the safety and security to try things he otherwise wouldn’t have. Ramit realized that he didn\u2019t have to change who he was, he just had to change how he acted.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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He had to focus on his behavior first, then his attitude would follow.<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n

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This is how the concept of the invisibility cloak was born. This is something you can use to cover up yourself, or the part of you that you don\u2019t want others to see.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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When you put on the cloak, you can mentally decide who you\u2019re going to be today and what your behavior is going to reflect.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Remember– you\u2019re not changing who you are, you\u2019re just deciding what behavior you want to reflect.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Take all those barriers, anxieties, and nervousness and just cover it up with that cape. It seems like a weird concept, but it works.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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The reason why it works is that everyone feels those same anxieties and fears when they walk into a room full of people. But some of us choose to behave differently.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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This invisibility cape will help you do just that.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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The world wants you to be vanilla...<\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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\u2026but you don\u2019t have to take the same path as everyone else. How would it look if you designed a Rich Life on your own terms? Take our quiz and find out: <\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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\n\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tTake the Quiz<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Step 5: Overcome Shyness by Turning it Into a Game<\/h2>\n

One of the best ways to start changing your behavior and staying motivated throughout the process is to gamify it.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve come up with a few games for you to play that will help you start being a more social person.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The 60-second game<\/h3>\n

The first is called the 60-second game. Within 60 seconds of going into an event, coffee shop, or anywhere, you\u2019re going to go up and say hello to someone.\u00a0<\/p>\n

If you decide later that you\u2019re done saying hello and would like to use a different phrase, that\u2019s fine. But the point of this game is to beat your anxiety by taking action before it takes root.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Over time, this game will desensitize you from having any type of approach anxiety and you\u2019ll be able to strike up a conversation with anybody in no time.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The compliments game<\/h3>\n

The second game is called the compliments game. In this one, you have to go up to three people within 24 hours and give them a compliment.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI really like your shirt\u201d, or \u201cyou have such a nice smile\u201d. That\u2019s it. Three times in 24 hours.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Not only will this game give you more to talk about, but it\u2019ll also brighten someone else’s day!<\/p>\n

The phone game<\/h3>\n

If you see someone using a phone or see someone reading a book you can say, \u201cwhat kind of phone is that? I\u2019ve been thinking about switching for a long time\u201d. Or you can say, \u201cwhat book are you reading? I\u2019m looking for something good to read\u201d.<\/p>\n

Do that 3 times in 24 hours.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Just like the first game, this will desensitize you from having social anxiety. Over time, playing any of these games (and hopefully all 3) will lead you to become that social butterfly that\u2019s been dormant for years.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Step 6: Fake it \u2018til You Make it.<\/h2>\n

I want you to think about what type of person you want to be perceived as.<\/p>\n

Do you want to be a really friendly guy who\u2019s got everyone roaring and laughing? Do you want to be the quiet thoughtful person who everyone is listening to intently, but you don\u2019t speak that much? Do you want people to feel really emotionally connected to you?<\/p>\n

Whatever you decide, I want you to fake it \u2018til you make it.<\/p>\n

You can try using this technique in a really safe and protected space. For me, it was always one on one. I would play this game in places where there was no one I knew around, and probably no one I would ever see again.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s say you want to come across as someone who is really emotionally connected to people.<\/p>\n

Maybe you\u2019d say something like, \u201cwhat made you choose this job over any other job? I\u2019m so curious to learn about people\u2019s lives\u201d.<\/p>\n

That will open up a different line of discussion than saying, \u201cHey, listen to this crazy thing that happened to me two days ago\u201d.<\/p>\n

This may seem odd, but I want to show you how much it works. Let\u2019s take a look at someone who started off pretty awkward, but years later not only did their behavior change, but their attitude changed as well.<\/p>\n

Take a look at this video of Jimmy Fallon. When he started off, he was pretty awkward, but over 15 years he became much more comfortable.<\/p>\n

Take a look below.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Step 7: Three-Step Rejection<\/h2>\n

In Ramit\u2019s Gmail account, he has a failures tab. He looks at it at the end of every month and if he\u2019s not getting at least 10 failures per month, he knows he\u2019s not trying enough.\u00a0<\/p>\n

A failure could be him reaching out to someone and trying to get a meeting and they coldly turn him down. It could be anything. But the important thing here is he\u2019s not avoiding failure, he\u2019s actively seeking it because it means he\u2019s trying new things.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The same is true for you and me.<\/p>\n

We all have these things called self-talk. It\u2019s the way you talk to yourself to give meaning to your experiences. You may say things like:\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s no way anyone would laugh at these stories, I\u2019m not a good storyteller\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re not interested in listening to me. Why would anyone want to?\u201d<\/p>\n

We talk about ourselves to ourselves, and over time we start to define ourselves.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The 3x rejection rule states\u00a0you\u2019re not going to allow self-talk to happen until you\u2019ve been rejected three times.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This means you can go up to somebody and say, \u201cHi, how are you today?\u201d and if they blow you off, that counts as rejection #1. And you keep going until you\u2019ve been rejected 3 times, and slightly change your approach each time.\u00a0<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t a failure, it\u2019s a test.\u00a0<\/p>\n

What you\u2019ll find is that the next approach may go amazingly well, but you would\u2019ve never given it a chance if you took the first rejection to heart. If you happen to get rejected 3 times, engage in as much self-talk as you want!<\/p>\n

If you start abiding by the three failure rule, you\u2019ll soon find out that the \u201cfailures\u201d you built up in your head weren\u2019t really failures at all.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

Final Thought on How to Stop Being Shy<\/h2>\n

It’s not easy to change your social habits. You might be used to being shy, or you may have no idea how to start making new friends. But the good news is that there are ways to learn not to be shy. With these tips in mind, you can learn how not to be shy and strengthen your social skills.<\/p>\n

Don’t forget: being shy isn’t a bad thing. If you’re shy, that doesn’t mean you’re weird or bad at connecting with others\u2014it just means that you’ve got some social anxiety going on! And if people who are confident and outgoing are your favorites, then there’s nothing wrong with that!<\/p>\n

But if you want to relieve some anxiety and strengthen your social skills you can follow the steps above.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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